Confession: I am still a little yoga-stoned right now (to steal a term I picked up from The Dancing J's epic blog). Proceed with caution.
So, by the skin of my teeth, I managed to drag my butt to yoga tonight. I am not doing a challenge, and I currently practice about four times a week. There are a couple of days a week where I work or attend class from morning until night, and I give myself another day off just 'cause I'm a little bit lazy. And I feel it's the right balance for me now.
I was thinking tonight might be my "freebie" night. Instead, I got myself to class and was able to demonstrate to myself yet again why I love this practice so much.
Like we all do from time to time (or often?), I had a rough day. Work sucked. Also like we all do from time to time, when things don't go right, I have a tendency to beat myself up. Like, beat the shit out of myself. Y'all had that tendency, right? Perfect time to do yoga, though. I managed to get to class. Step one, completed.
Step two: staying in class. Have you ever had one of those moments where you wanted to bolt from the room before you even set up your mat? I don't think I've ever been quite there before. (That feeling tends to come in somewhere around Standing Bow ;-) But jeez-oh-man, as I was lying on my mat I really had to wrestle with myself even to stay in the room. I just wanted to run--jump in a lake, go to bed, dance naked in the rain, anything but have to face myself in the mirror.
I've learned some techniques to calm myself in those desperate moments. I try to grab for a saying--something--anything--to bring me back to the present. This time, it was the "like a flower petal blooming!" line. The image struck me a different way. I used to think of a little flower gradually pulling its head up to face the sun. But, duh, E, the line says petal. The little petal is stretching open, gently unfolding itself, to allow the previously-hidden inside to receive the sun's nourishing light. Gorgeous, right?
What really comforted me, though, is that it's all about the flower petal blooming. It's not a flower petal bloomed. The action is not complete, not even by the end of class! It's always happening. The unfolding is constant. What matters is that we are doing the work to allow that to happen.
I ended up having one of my better classes. Yes! Two sets of Camel, for the first time in a couple of weeks.
Nothing's over, of course. The work problems will still be there tomorrow morning. I will still have a tendency to beat myself up for things that are beyond my control. But what lovely moments awaits you in that room!