Falling's not so Bad

So, the holidays. I was looking forward to a couple of weeks off, enjoying our family's usual lazy-paced way of celebrating the holidays and then taking a few days of R&R before getting back to work. But life has an odd way of tweaking (or in this case, twisting) your plans around until they sit squarely on their heads.

A couple of family emergencies came breezing through, which prevented me from getting me to yoga as much as I'd like and from doing online anything except the Blog Roll Skim every couple of days. I miss y'all--the yoga, the blogging community--but I'm also grateful for the closeness that grows between family and friends during crises like these.

After the holidays passed and the two situations got somewhat under control, I hopped in my car and drove to Mammoth Mountain for a few days of skiing. Although I'm missing my boyfriend, who had to fly out to deal with his own family emergency, I'm allowing myself to enjoy a breath of clean, cold mountain air, dear friends... and the drama that comes up while you're on the slopes.

Even here, hundreds of miles from home, I am reminded of how you really can't escape who you are. Even up here, "away" from everything, my own neurotic tendencies come out. I follow my friends down big, scary ski hills, and it's a constant struggle to just be present. Just like in a Bikram class, my mind takes over. (It's a little scarier to hear yourself say "you are not gonna make it!" when you're barreling down an endlessly long hill.) In a desperate attempt to combat this tendency, I do the same thing as I do in Bikram: try to be in the moment. Notice what's happening. Feel the difference in texture of the snow as the skis race over it. Or, when I'm really scared, the Buddhist proverb, "Mind like sky," will do the trick.

What's also interesting to notice is that, just like in work, love, and life in general, it's the middle part that gets me scared. I'm excited at the beginning, but when I'm far from the start and can't see the finish line, I panic. It's funny to observe that happen at warp speed when you're coming down the slope.

There have been so many beautiful moments, though, and they don't always come when you expect them. I took the following photo after I'd fallen. I just lay there, exhausted at the middle of what was then a difficult run for me. After the jarring fall, though, I was just there. No thought, just sensory experience. Too bad it took a fall to get out of my head!

I hope you are enjoying your Januarys! Stay HOT!

Falling's not so bad if you stop to take in the view.

Aftershocks

Us SoCal folks had a bit of fun today. There was a 6.9 magnitude earthquake off Baja, Mexico, and the effects were felt throughout the region. I was just on my way to my first yoga class--after a week off due to travel--when it hit. My CD towers were swayin', my cats were freakin', and I had a moment of "Hmm. Perhaps I should consider moving away from the windows." But then it was off to class. Californians get remarkably desensitized to earthquakes.

Or so I thought! At yoga this evening, a normally average (15-20 student) class was down to eight. I don't know if it was Easter or the earthquake, but something scared the students off. As we stood up for pranyama breathing, there was a little aftershock. The teacher politely reminded us that the emergency exits were open and that we just might want to move out from under the heaters.

It turned out to be a nice, intimate class, and by the end I'd had a couple of revelations about just what happened this past week while I was on spring break in Mammoth. And, of course, how yoga ties into all of it :-)

First, I'm making progress on the fear front. A year ago, I would not have gone to Mammoth. I would not have taken up my friend's offer to stay at their lovely condo and try an unfamiliar, cold-weather sport, leaving my kitties, a warm climate, and stacks of papers to catch up on behind. I tend to have a little social anxiety, so just saying, "YES" to their wonderful offer was big for me.

Another part of this overcoming fear thing, of course, is trying new things. I have always claimed to hate the cold and heights, but at my friends' prodding, I got myself out on the ski slopes, despite the 20 degree weather, snow, and wind. And I loved every minute of it. The gentle lift to the top of the mountain, the mounting anticipation, the sight of the wide trails and disarming vistas, to say nothing of the actual thrill of skiing--I just drank it all up and had fun, on the slopes and hanging out with friends. (Well... my friends might tell you about the time I called them in a panic from the mountain, but in hindsight, it's just a funny story :-)

The second realization I've had this week is that Bikram yoga gets you into rockin' shape. I skiied three full days in a row, and although I was tired, I did not get nearly as sore as I thought I would have given the amount of new activity I was doing. Those Awkward pose squats prime your legs for some ski turning and wedging, alright, and being flexible means that you can fall and not get injured as easily. I was just grateful for the physical ability to enjoy myself out there.

What ties this all together is that getting yourself into the yoga room is overcoming fear, one posture at a time. Before coming back to yoga last summer, I definitely would have let this spring break opportunity slide by me. "No, thanks," I'd have told my friend. In my head, I'd have thought, "You need to catch up on work this spring break. You hate cold weather. Staying with people for long periods of time is hard for you." Stupid excuses robbing me of the chance to experience something wonderful. But I think it was primarily the yoga that empowered me to say YES to those experiences. Now, I can't wait to go skiing again. I've even ordered a really cute ski jacket!

I'm thinking the aftershock of this wonderful week will stay with me for a while. I'm hoping y'all have some good aftershocks, too! :-)

Don't miss out on the view from the lift.

Dedicated to C&J.

Sticks and Skiing

Even on a mountain, in 15 degree weather, the yoga is present.

I took my first ski lesson today. To get the feeling of leaning down the hill in a no-fear embrace of wind, snow, and slope, the instructor had us balance on one ski, letting our other leg point straight back. I thought, "Balancing stick, baby! Tuladandasana forever!" Despite the wind and low visibility, the teacher noticed my balance and said, "Hey, you do yoga?!" An awareness of hips and alignment is necessary, too, as there's a tendency to stick the butt out when you actually want to pull it forward as you do in half-moon.

But you skiiers know, skiing is no joke. Remember my post on sprezzatura? It looks so easy, yet it's tremendously difficult and initially counterintuitive. Much of the technique goes against our instincts (i.e., leaning forward), and that whole flying down a mountain thing is bound to get your heart rate up. What a way to meet your fears head-on.

My first two runs were a little terrifying. I realized at the end of the second that I was holding my breath as I wedged slowly down the hill and knew that had to change. Perfect situation to bring in yoga principles. One thing yoga has showed me is that I tend to be guided by fear. I hold back a lot--in class, in life, on the slopes--and as a result, I don't reach my full potential. Skiing totally tapped into that. After those first two runs, I didn't want to go back up, but I managed to get myself back on the lift. As I rode up, I did some pranyama--in through the nose, out through the nose (no hand movement, of course--had to hang onto my ski poles and gloves!). Doing so helped tremendously. And I have free lifts and rentals tomorrow, so you know I will be back out there. Still a little scared, though :-)

No Bikram yoga classes up here, but the principles find their way everywhere!

 Don't mess with Mother Nature. Just wear good clothes!